Am I a Cougar? My Boyfriend is Alot Younger than Me!

Dear Kitty,
I'm 35 and my boyfriend is 20. Does that mean I'm a cougar? Does that mean I'm creepy? I love my relationship, but I'm worried about what society thinks of our ages and age difference. No one rips on Demi and Ashton, but we're not rich or famous or beautiful.
-- Jennifer

Hey Jennifer!
You asked the right person this question. I may not look it...but I'm 50. I just joined "Cougars International". I'm too old to adopt a boy. But I can date one.
The older I get, the younger the guys I date. Pretty soon I'll be dating SPERM.

Any woman age 35 or older who dates younger men is labeled "cougar". A guy who's 35 or older and dates younger women is not given a label, but regarded as "successful".
In case you haven't noticed, women are not regarded as true equals to men. If a woman dates a younger guy...she's an oddity who has to be labeled. Sort of like a person who has brown skin is often called "black". Women are sort of like black people. A black person can't simply be a person. They have to carry some sort of distinctive labeling...like "America's First Black President". Even though Obama is half caucasion, he isnt called "Mixed Race". He is labeled as "black". He just can't be the president. We have to label him the Black President...as if its really a weird thing that a person with a nice tan complextion can lead a country. If you're older than 35, you're not a woman, you're an "older woman". If you're black...you're not a woman, you're an older black woman. If you have a younger guy, you're a black cougar. Not a black panther. That's a whole different animal.

Anything you do that a man does, you will be labeled something that says, "you are different". Men can pretty much do whatever they want at whatever age they want. If a man wants to enjoy the benefits of having a more mature girlfriend...something women have been doing for thousands of years...why make him feel weird about it? Why even care at all? But back to your label, Miss Cougar. You can't do anything about the fact that people think you're cool--- but they secretly they feel a little sorry for you, because they know he will eventually leave you when you reach a certain age. It is what it is, and as long as you know what you're getting into, then enjoy the ride!

Enjoy your 20 year old. I'm sure he is super intelligent and beautiful and fun to be with. Young people are great until they get damaged by bad relationships. When I was younger I had an older boyfriend. When I was older I had younger boyfriends. One of my young lovers sold me on the idea of marrying him. Maybe it was true love...or maybe it was the fact that he was a Canadian who needed an American green card and I thought it would be cool to become a Canadian. Maybe it was a little of both.

After about 3 years...as I got closer to age 50, and he was 33...he left on a 2 month trip to work in Europe and never came back. He decided he wants to have kids with someone closer to his age. And so, I took my mother's advice and just enjoyed the ride for as long as it lasted. That's what I'll say to you, Jennifer! Enjoy the ride. Most likely it wont be a ride that lasts forever. Unlike John Mc Caine...who, at a crusty 74 years old, had the privilge of running for president. When he was 54 he adopted that baby from Bangladesh... and his hot, rich, younger wife stuck by his side.

In this day and age, a 54 year old man can adopt a baby, but a 54 year old woman would not be considered a suitable parent to an adopted infant...even if she has a hot young husband or girlfriend if she's gay. So, if I were you...I'd adopt a baby at 54 and do an amazing job raising it just to prove to all the assholes of the world that women are entitled to the same privilages as men. Hopefully someday you can just be a person who can love anyone of any age and people wont make a big deal about it and compare you to a large carnivorus cat.

When you think of it...mature, experienced women have an important role in the world. They can teach inexperienced men about sex, intimacy and sensuality. They can teach men how to care for women, how to care for kids, and how to be an awesome person.
It sucks to be an older woman if you're hoping you can hang on to your younger man. As soon as he gains confidence, he will want to explore different women and possibly have kids with one or many of them if he has a ticking body clock. Some guys definitely never want kids. When you date a younger guy, it's best to live in the moment and stay there, and never expect or count on being together for the rest of your days. Enjoy the NOW...got it? He does not want to push you around in a wheelchair when he still has some steam left. Conversely, you see alot of pretty perky women escorting "grandpa" around. Do these women find older guys attractive? I doubt it...Can you imagine being "hot" for Donald Trump? Oh yeah...he's hot! Just imagining John Mc Cain's saggy white naked ass really gets you in the mood..doesn't it?? I'm totally envious of his wife! I want some of that baggy wrinkled politico ass! Never mind naked, even imagining McCain in UNDERWEAR is a dark, horrible thought that would damage my mind and I'd never be the same a again. Some women who have seen McCain in his underwear have gone insane.
I think its safe to say women are more loyal then men.

So my advice is this, Jennifer: Enjoy your "Cougar" years, and when you reach an age where only old trolls find you appealing, learn to be a lesbian, and go gay. A woman wont desert you unless you're a total dick. Speaking of dick, how do become a lesbian? Do you wean yourself off the dick by using a smaller and smaller dildo until you get down to one that's the size of a clit?

I haven't become a lesbian for the same reason I haven't installed Vista on my computer or bought an iphone. The learning curve stops me. I'd have to learn a new lifestyle. And there isnt a tutorial or an instruction book. Even if there was, I dont feel like reading it.

But more about that Next blog when I answer the burning question:
How do I become a Lesbian??